he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize