My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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