THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
