:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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