can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
