we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
