Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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