Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didn't shave. On purpose
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
