before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
