I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
