u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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