I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
