I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
