i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
