Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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