Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
