Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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