He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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