The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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