Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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