I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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