he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
