Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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