How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
