i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
