I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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