When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
