She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
