making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
