some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
