So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i drank out of a bidet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
