Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
