a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize