my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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