I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
