Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
