This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
