Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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