Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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