I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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