What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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