she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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