he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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