Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
