after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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