Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
