Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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