So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
