My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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