I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I AM VODKA MAN
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
