Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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