matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
