I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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