Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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