I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
