You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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