So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
