Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
