I am spending my child support on dildos
he thought i was a dude.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
