I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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