The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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