Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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