I want to have your abortion
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
