bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
