I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
