You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
