Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
