it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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