I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
