Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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