Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
