There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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